Party of One? 6 Ways to Master the Art of Eating Alone
How to Learn to Eat Alone Abroad as a Solo Female Traveler
You are probably wondering: Is it weird to eat at restaurants alone?
Well you are not alone!
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When I was in college, I went on a date with a guy who thought it was weird that I went to the movies alone. Mind you, I didn’t go to the movies often, only like once or twice a year, but he thought that I was crazy for liking to go alone.
Funny thing is, I didn’t take offense in any of that. Instead, I imagine it was a badge of honor to do something that someone found different!
Anyway, I asked him if he would ever try it and he flat out said ‘no, never’. I kind of understood but then I really didn’t so I told him that I thought THAT was weird!
But it was then when it occurred to me then that there are people out there that have never thought of doing things alone, and that some who do try it just don’t find joy in it!
The more I thought about it, the more I worried that, although I enjoyed going to the movies alone, I wouldn’t enjoy doing other things too!
Fast-forward a few years after college graduation, I knew I wanted to take a solo trip. I was nervous and busy trying to plan out my trip and figuring out what activities I’d do out there, that it didn’t even cross my mind about how and where I would eat!
I mean….HOW? Alone?!?
That’s when I had to get real about this first-time experience: I would have to master my Party of One act!
Being honest, I had never eaten alone before.
It reminded me of that enlightening moment with that one guy and my anxiety began flooding my head with thoughts of eating alone and noticing people looking at me feeling sad for me.
It was a very irrational thought but I truly believed that’s what would happen at the time.
So, then is this the part of the story where I tell you that I magically got over my fears and I just…did it!?
Nope. I almost canceled my flights, I was just too anxious!
But, in the end, there were other goals I wanted to accomplish on that solo trip. They obviously had far more importance to me, so I mustered all the courage I had to work on my mindset and practice the act of eating alone.
So I’m going to share next how I mastered being a Party of One:
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1) It’s OKAY to feel awkward the first, second, and third time
When actors are getting ready to film a new show or movie, they do a table read where they just read their lines to get acquainted with the emotions they need to portray. Then, they have to practice with coaches until the crew is ready to film.
Even then when they are filming, they have to retake scenes until the actor and director agree it carries the message it’s supposed to.
Where am I going with all that? That in order to feel comfortable with something, you may need to practice it several times.
Fake it ‘til you make it, right?
Like all things in life, practice makes perfect you realize that things do NOT always go perfect. But that doesn’t mean that it never will feel like it!
You CAN become familiar with the experience of eating solo so that you know how to adjust it for next time to feel better.
There’s no denying it, the first time you try to eat alone it’s very likely that you will feel awkward. We are social beings and it's natural to enjoy doing things in group settings (especially eating a meal).
However, the more you try it, the more that you’ll get used to the routine. Accept it and embrace it.
2) Visualize the best outcome before you go
There’s nothing like John telling you how it’s going to be. “Legendary?” I think yes!
When you go on your mission to eat alone for the first time, you have to go with a good mindset to get started on the right foot!
I’m a bit of a skeptical person by nature so I understand that this step is NOT an overnight success for everyone. Sometimes it takes some time to convince ourselves of all the good things that can come your way when you do something that scares us.
But to be able to think of the best outcome, you need to first believe and visualize that those awkward moments you think you might have when eating alone will NOT come true!
To be honest, most of the time our fears are irrational and they hold us back from doing the things we really want to do!
So, when you try it out, think of all the things that could go right!
Make a list on your phone and refer to it every day leading up to the day you go to a restaurant by yourself. Such cool things that can happen are:
you could strike a conversation with a cool bartender,
learn an interesting fact about a patron in the table next to you,
make a new friend in your hometown, or
even more shockingly, you might just find out you really just love enjoying yourself!
If you go in with a mindset of fear and embarrassment, trust me, it’ll show.
So instead, make that list and practice visualizing yourself going through those positive moments. The mind is a muscle so reinforce it to think of you in the best light!
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3) Start with small restaurants or cafes
Okay, so now that you are mentally ready to be the main character like this confident cat, where should you take yourself on a Party of One date?
Before you take your solo trip, I recommend that you first go to a small restaurant or café in your hometown to get the “real-life” feel of it!
Choose some place that is in an area you might already know and go during the off-season hours. In other words go outside of typical lunch or dinner times. If you are feeling bold, then go to a new part of the neighboring city and explore a new favorite place!
Here's the goal = Starting by eating solo at small establishments will give you space to feel safe and more comfortable as opposed to going to a big, busy chain restaurant.
For example, if the service is not what you expected or you no longer feel that you can be solo, you can easily ask a waiter or waitress to give you a box for you to pack your food and off you go.
You will not have to deal with a packed restaurant and worry that lots of people are looking at you and wondering why you are leaving if you just arrived a few minutes ago.
But who knows!?
Maybe once you get the hang of eating solo at a small restaurant, you will actually feel empowered to level up to try out eating at big chain places! This will not only give you a new experience but it will also help you realize that you are more adventurous than you thought and that you absolutely got this!
4) If the restaurant has a bar, ask to sit there
NOTE: This suggestion may not work everywhere in the world. If you’re going international, be mindful of traditions and customs of the country you’re going to and find out if sitting and eating a meal at the bar is an option!
Sitting at the bar is perfectly okay for you as a woman, a solo traveler, and as someone that wants to eat a meal.
When I see people eating alone at the bar of a restaurant, I just think ‘they want their space and peace to eat’.
So, if that’s what you are looking for and you spot a space where you can sit, tell the waiter or waitress that it’s just you today and that you wish to sit at the bar. Easy-peasy. They will gladly let you in without a wait time.
Yay for solo-eating perks like fast service!
The awesome thing about sitting at the bar is that it makes it easier for you to be able to strike a conversation with the barkeep and vice-versa.
Sure thing, if they are busy, it’s best to just let them do their job. But if the bar is empty and they seem open to conversation, enjoy a short talk while you eat.
Lastly, do know that you always have the option to change your mind about where you want to sit. If you first said you wanted to sit at the bar but you find that you feel like you’re standing out, then you can always ask the bartender, waiter or waitress that you’d like to get a table instead.
Depending on space and wait time, I’m sure they will work with you to transfer you to a table as soon as possible! Just remember to be kind and understanding if it can’t happen.
5) Bring a book or take out your phone!
Fancy something that will keep you distracted for a bit? Pull a Ron Weasley and bring a book!
Eating alone is one of the most rewarding moments in life because you can choose to do so in any way you want!
So don’t be afraid to take a book with you, or if you prefer digital entertainment, then take your phone out while eating solo.
In my case when I would eat alone abroad, I would go on Instagram and search up places that I could visit later that day.
This helped me get good ideas for my itinerary but, most importantly, it got my mind off my own negative thoughts – Which mind you, I fabricated them thinking that other patrons were staring and wondering why I was alone.
But the reality was that once I would put my phone down, I saw no one was paying me any attention! Maybe they did for a second but it was in the past!
So little by little, I let go of the need to be distracted!
But if you’re still not there, take your time! Using your phone, a book, or just anything you can look at is always a good way to soothe the nerves when eating solo.
Lastly, if you are concerned about table etiquette because maybe you are at a fancy restaurant and you don’t want to stand out, then just consider picking another restaurant first where you will not feel as restricted.
You can always come back to the other place later on once you feel you can eat a meal without having anything to keep you distracted!
6) Remind yourself that you’re not alone
Just because you travel alone, doesn’t mean you ARE alone!
Think about it, after the lockdowns due to the pandemic, travel plans were disrupted for many people so it’s only expected that they will begin resuming their travels now after 2 years.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them found out that they wanted to travel alone & actually chose to do so, just like you, instead of a group as originally planned!
That said, there’s no way you are the only person to ever think of trying to eat alone! I mean, you know me, and I traveled solo, so I have done it.
Please always remind yourself that you are not alone. Tons of people have a meal on their own EVERYDAY whether traveling or just at home!
Let me give you an example-- It’s common in the workforce for employees to have lunch on their own.
If you ask your working friends, you’re likely to get a majority response that most of them eat in their cubicles, a bench, or in the car.
Maybe just a few of them are bold enough to actually go to a restaurant to sit and enjoy their meal alone.
So how about you think of it this way but in a totally new city or country!?
You’re the main character of your story and there’s nothing more intriguing than an independent woman having a meal by herself!
If it helps, it’s also a good tip to remind yourself of this when you are eating alone:
There’s someone you don’t know, somewhere out there in the world, that is also eating at a restaurant or café alone at the exact same time as you.
Now, isn’t that beautiful?
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